Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
