I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize