i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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