just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Houston, we have a squirter
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
