guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
