My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
