Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
