The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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