took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
