My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
