happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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