When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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