I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
