We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
