Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
