we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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