guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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