does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
