I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
