and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
