Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
