Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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