I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
