she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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