fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
4 words: hood of his car
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
