Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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