It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
