I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
