I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
