so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
