I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
