I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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