there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
