I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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