Barsexuality is the new black.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
