fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
