just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
