I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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