Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
