he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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