Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
