Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(813): View more from Florida

Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book

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(703): View more from Virginia

like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.

Fav 22 6507 1692
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(636): View more from Missouri

I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.

Fav 6 3153 1000
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(757): View more from Virginia

some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.

Fav 9 3724 1203
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(541): View more from Oregon

Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.

Fav 6 1267 838
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair

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(708): View more from Illinois

Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.

Fav 4 1354 820
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(856): View more from New Jersey

I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.

Fav 4 111 28
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(630): View more from Illinois

Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.

Fav 0 14 42
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