Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
