Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
