I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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