Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
