And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
