This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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