the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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