Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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