I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
That accounts for only three of the penises
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
