I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
