Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
