Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
