Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
