Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize