Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
