How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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