My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
