if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
