I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
