he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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