I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
