Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
