3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
