ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize