ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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