when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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