Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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