If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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