But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
