i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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